Hello everyone, give a round of applause for me because I actually committed to making my very first post on this blog! I’m terrible at consistency and remembering to finish a whole task just somehow never happens for me. I either forget or get bored so this is quite impressive on my part.
So I want to differentiate each blog by posting every Monday. I’ll be talking about the week that just passed, so this is The Amish Chronicles.
Last week was a bit of a rollercoaster, I probably knew what was going on 60% of the time realistically. I just started the demon drug that every celebrity has gone on to make themselves look like a taxidermy version of themselves, the infamous, glp-1 pill. I know it was stupid but change needed to happen and I won’t be on this thing long term. This means that I have taken a little break from drinking or smoking weed. I’m pretty proud of myself because I don’t really think about drinking and yeah it’s nice, but I’m doing just fine without it. I refuse to curse on this blog, but there are a few people in mind who have given me a tough time for my drinking habits in the past. I have tried to explain myself and after being grilled by an ex friend about it, she proceeds to say “I don’t need to explain myself to her”. If I didn’ t need to explain myself, what are we even talking about here? Anyways, for all of those people, I’m just laughing in your face right now. So, holding off on drinking or smoking has honestly been really peaceful for me, I wasn’t expecting this smooth transition of a change.
Me and my partner have gone off on our annual trip to her family cabin in the middle of nowhere. We didn’t know if we were going to end up going due to a family emergency so everything was very last minute. I’m so glad we ended up coming because I cannot stress this enough, we needed this trip so bad. I would have punched a hole in my wall like a white boy if we did not come. Not actually, but you know what I mean. I probably would have fallen to my knees. Not only because I have been working my butt off everyday to pay for bills, groceries, outings, our move in August, you name it. So I really have not been getting that many days off, it’s been a stressful couple of months for me and my partner so this needed to happen. Let me announce to everyone that sober sex feels crazy. Since I am doing this drinking cleanse, of course me and my partner are gonna have sex in a cabin to ourselves, that’s natural. But, I wasn’t mentally prepared on how it was going to make me feel like I’m a pitbull and someone is waving a ribeye in my face. I mean I haven’t talked to people about it really, about sober vs drunk sex? I knew it’d be different. But as Stefan Salvatore always says, “our feelings are heightened.” I am actually focused on my partner and what feels good rather than just doing the act, if that makes any sense. It makes me feel very tuned in with us and what’s going on. I’m getting used to putting my walls down while being drunk on nothing but my partner so we’re enjoying it quite a bit. You just feel like you’re in your body much more. Alcohol robs you of that feeling, that feeling of being able to actually enjoy that close intimacy you’re sharing with that other person. I feel like it just dumbs it down, it makes it just “sex.”
This week has shown me that I’ve been missing out on the importance of living. I almost forgot the taste of water. Waking up earlier and getting out of bed have been much easier for me. I’m still not a morning person and I repel any wave of happiness someone shoots my way in the morning but, it feels nice getting up early. Getting away to the country has helped a ton, granted we don’t really know anyone here. Yes, there’s a bunch of honky tonk country hicks here that would call me a slur if they had the chance. Come on, I tried to connect to wifi and the first network that popped up was, “M.A.G.A.” These people definitely don’t hide their ignorance. We also did see a couple of trump signs while we were driving. Of course it bothers me but I can’t do anything about it so I am not gonna let that ruin my trip. Look at who our president is and what he’s doing with his power, need I say more? Last time we were in Amish Country, I was going through my blue hair phase. I had just cut my hair so making eye contact with these little Amish ladies, you would have thought they were about to turn to stone by how fast their mouths dropped. I was walking around like I was a professional box eater, like I had on a Nike sports bra underneath and my backpack full of strap ons were hot and ready in the car. I was walking around in this grocery store, either looking for something or my partner. As I’m speed walking, in my peripheral view I see something that looks like a phone being lifted up in my direction. I turn and it’s this Amish lady trying to catch me to either take a video or picture of me. Now, I’ve never been in this situation before because I’m from Cleveland. But yes, I just keep walking. I did not want to but you have to remember I’m not only black in a highly Conservative area, I’m also gay and my partner is nearby. So getting into any sort of altercation is the very last thing I would want to do. I thought phones weren’t even allowed? I should have told her church though. I still randomly think about her stupid flip phone, but I just let granny have her content for the day so she can show her family back home.
Also, throughout this week I have been thinking about friendship more and what that term even means. I feel as if I have been growing apart from some people I didn’t think I would, especially in the way that I am. Two friends come to mind recently, they were coworkers with me at an old job but I think we just simply grew apart. Me more than them it seems but I don’t do well with low maintenance relationships. I mean that as in, I don’t like being used for convenience for people and that’s how it felt at times. It might have not come off that way to them but it came off that way and I could have vocalized that but like I said. I rarely saw them because we all have been busy, we weren’t each other’s “immediate” so it didn’t feel needed in my eyes but I still feel guilty? I believe I feel guilty because I simply went ghost, I fed excuses not to see them and they were truthful like that stuff did happen, but I didn’t make an effort. It felt like we were at two different places in our lives and we were. The fact that all of us rarely saw each other just made it easier to continue on our separate ways. I want to fix that for the new year, I don’t want to leave things unsaid with people, although it probably is the easier route but not in the long run. I think that I choose that easier route at that moment because I am just so tired of ending a relationship on bad terms. Recently, I had a falling out with an old coworker, (something about coworkers), that was twice my age? We were friends but more so coworkers because like I said she’s around her 50s and I am only 22. We don’ t have that much to talk about and unfortunately, whenever we did run into each other, she’d only talk about her problems in her marriage. Even while we worked together, we saw each other outside of work at this bar me and my other coworkers frequent at. Let’s call her “F”. Now F was a bit weird, she’d even be inappropriate at times and one time it got a bit far. She saw me kiss this girl at the bar, before I met my partner, and after I took her home, she tried to get me to kiss her. What a plot twist. It was dark and we were outside of her house. She was very drunk and kept saying she wouldn’t go inside until I kissed her. So no wonder why I wasn’t very interested in seeing her after that but I was still kind to her. I still took the time to listen to her rants about her failed marriage and so on and so on. Fast forward, she got fired. Fast forward again, I had begun a new job so I was juggling two jobs. F was still blowing up my phone asking to see her, and why was I ignoring her. On top of all of the stress I was dealing with, I had to deal with this as well. From a coworker around her 50s that got fired, last year might I add. Now I’m only telling you guys this because it has some relevance to leaving things unsaid with people. Now maybe two weeks ago, she came into my job. Now by coming into my job, I mean she actually came into the back kitchen of where I was hiding. Not sure on why she was allowed back there? I know I’m terrible, but she was freaking me out at the time. But I played it cool, I said “Hey, oh my god!” I was playing it off like I wasn’t trying to scream or anything. So she goes, “Hey! You’re a bs friend!” I don’t want to curse but we all know what “bs” means. Now I wanna make it known that she had a smile on her face while saying this, and there were maybe three people in the kitchen while she said this. She didn’t pull me aside at all, just said that and thought it was okay. So we are fast forwarding again until she leaves and I’m still stunned. The balls on that girl were massive, I mean they had to drag on the floor because she not only came into the kitchen at the place she got fired, but wanted to say that in public. Plus of course she’s going to think that, I grew uncomfortable with our relationship a very long time ago so I’ve been avoiding her. So, I texted her shortly after she left very kindly, I just said it was good seeing her but that was not the way to approach me and what she said was very disrespectful. I told her we could meet once the tension lifts basically. I was very kind and professional about it because I did not want to set her off or anything, I just told her that what she said was not the time nor place. Well, that completely set her off because she went off. She assumed I wanted drama and that technically “I” walked up to her. She just said a bunch of immature things like she did not even understand what I was trying to say. She then told me that god will help me with whatever struggles I have going on and said goodbye. I just liked her message and that actually ended everything thankfully. The point of saying all of this is that yes, I am glad that I helped with ending that whole debacle. Now that I never have to engage with F again, the weight on my shoulders feel much lighter. I said my feelings, but barely I mean I just said what she said was disrespectful but whatever. I am just saying, even if it hurts someone’s feelings, end it. Do not be like me and drag things along until they completely blow up. The explosion will be much bigger if you do not end it early on. You’ll be thinking about all of these what ifs and maybes, it’ll never leave your mind until something is final.
As I am wrapping up this first post, I will say that the rest of this trip is going very nicely. I have a lot of time to think about all of the mishaps that have happened, which means I have more entertaining content for you guys. Those topics I thought about heavily on this trip and just needed to sort my thoughts out by writing all of that down. I have a lot more embarrassing stories like that so hit that subscribe button and smash that like button. I sound so much like a Youtuber, I’m scared…
Just subscribe to my blog, please and thank you.
Here are some songs I found that I think are pretty good, I’ll link them below. I will also add a picture from last week that stuck with me.
• No Furniture: Absolutely
• Wohin du willst: Blumengarten
• Blame Game: Amma
Those are some songs I think you guys should check out. Thank you so much for reading my first post and I will see y’all next Monday!
-Alyssa
Grab The Hooch! 
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