Grab The Hooch!

Hey guys, thanks for coming back to another post. It’s a bit short so this is just one big rant that’s been on my mind recently. Let’s hit it!

So, me and my partner just got back from our cabin trip and it was so nice to be reunited with our cats. I’ve included them in my “About Me” page but if you haven’t read that, let me re-introduce them again. I have a sassy boy cat named Lambington. He’s the long, grey haired cat that is so stubborn just like his mama. He’s my shelter cat and is absolutely used to getting his way. He looks like the cutest old man you have ever seen. He has this wise look on his face, you’ll try to confide in him and you think he’s actually listening until he just randomly bites you. They’re always soft bites but he does not care about anything except for his food. He’s my youngest and he’s just very soft and gentle. The only time he ever becomes a bit too much is when he is bullying my older girl cat, Lady. She is so sweet, she is my little pumpkin because she is on the chunkier side. The vet recently called her out for her weight problems but her plumpness does not prevent her from being active whatsoever. She’s actually way more active than Lambington but that’s probably because she was a stray so that’s what she excels at. I missed them dearly so coming home to them was a really good feeling.  But coming home to them also means coming back to all of our problems that remain at home as well. 

Don’t get me wrong, I recognize that my job is beneficial and convenient in almost every way. I have great coworkers , we hang out outside of work and we all genuinely support each other. I appreciate my job because it has allowed me to be introduced to such great people. But man, a certain someone at my job seriously drives your head through the wall. We can call him Megamind. Now Megamind has not only been driving customers away but workers away as well. He is such an insufferable human being and will shove that business into the ground. I mean he hates the women that work there but falls to your knees if you’re a guy. What is it about gay men that hate women? On top of that, what is it about white gay men that hate black women? Now there are a few people at my job I could be talking about, but I am only specifically talking about the one. If you know, you know. But he is infamous amongst all of the workers there for being such a heinous human being that goes out of their way to make you feel small. IIt’s like he gets off to it or something. He is such a rude little man and it is absolutely humorous that he still has a job there. Having to deal with Megamind is the most difficult part of my job and that is saying something because customer service jobs can be such a pain. Megamind has had no complaints against him surprisingly, but more and more white men express their racism and sexism openly, and still no one jumps. When will someone jump? It almost feels impossible to get that level of justice at work. To be treated with respect, to not be talked down to. Megamind once talked crap about me, under his breath, to my face thinking I didn’t hear him. Mind you, I was standing directly in front of him. I could practically smell that breath of his that would easily take out a whole village. These kinds of encounters happen almost every time he’s at the job. Everyone talks about it, gossips about it, and yet nothing happens. The game just feels rigged. Now I know what you’re thinking, why hasn’t anyone said anything? How can he get away with it? I unfortunately can’t reveal that because that would put me in a wee bit of trouble and I am trying to keep my job for a couple more months. Talking crap about someone , especially at your job, on the internet can be so tricky so I’m not naming names. But, you get the sentiment. People like Megamind just live in this bubble, a bubble of privilege and exemption. I just hope karma deals with him eventually. 

I did get together with my mother recently, it gave me a much better insight into our relationship. I never realize how much I miss my mom until I reunite with her after a couple of weeks apart. She is absolutely amazing and deserves the entire world. I cannot wait to become rich and spoil her rotten. It is the least I can do, I mean I was so intolerable as a teenager. Not only was I emo but I absolutely worshipped kpop. I took the whole combination and ran with it. I never wanted to do anything but swear off the rest of the world and quite literally melt into my mattress back at home… while listening to BTS. We can get into the Kpop stage of my life during a different post because there is so much that I could unpack there. Yeah, we’ll talk about that another time. Moving on, during the lunch with my mom, we just laughed and caught each other up with what’s been going on in our lives. We discussed both of our moves coming up, hers to Florida and mine to Portland. I’m just really proud of the both of us, there is so much to do and such little time. I am seriously nervous about making this cross country move, I have my partner by my side but this is still such a huge move. There is too much to take into account, yes people do this everyday but it is still intimidating. Once we finally get there, what’s next? What’s next for me and my partner? There are endless possibilities and I just want to be able to feel “okay” with where I am. I don’t want to feel stuck, I’m tired of feeling stuck. You can buy numerous disingenuous self help books at Ikea or Costco but you can’t buy a personalized one that caters to your specific problems in life. They might be similar, yes, but I need a crappy guidance book to tell me how a new city is going to treat me. I need that now. But unfortunately no one knows, and I hate the unknown. I can’t even get a hint? It’s my own life and I can’t even get a hint on the path it will go on. That itself feels like such a scam. If I were granted three wishes, I still wouldn’t make the choice to be able to see the future. That feels almost invasive somehow? I recognize that it’s my life but being able to see into the future feels too aggressive, detrimental even. I just want a tiny hint, to be told that I’m getting too hot or too cold. Cold meaning that the direction that I’m going in ultimately won’t satiate me vs hot. Hot would simply mean that I’m thriving. I know that the feeling of satisfaction would only come from the amount of success I obtain . It all falls down to success for me. Maybe because I’m a taurus, yes I believe in that kind of stuff, but it would make sense since I have a borderline obsession with the need to succeed. What would be the code to cracking life in general? It would be much easier that way if we all knew,  with all of the screw ups I’ve dealt with in the past, a girl is tired.

Nothing crazy happened within the past week but I got confirmation that big things are coming, now it is time to prepare for them. I have just been feeling the stress recently. If anyone has been to a rage room, let me know how that experience felt for you because I might just need that. I need that and a nice cigarette by my side. Maybe a beer. I am so surprised that I have not gotten any grey hairs at all due to the fact that I feel so much, all of the time. It is so exhausting. But I guess working towards these things will make it with it later on. So I’m gonna wrap up this week’s blog post. I know it was a bit on the shorter side but like I said, there weren’t any eventful things happening. Just a lot of reflection. I do wanna make note that I am still trying to tussle with my website for the blog and make it look actually presentable. I was never a tech freak, that was never my kink unfortunately so I am really slow with the process. But yes I am still working on it so If you take a look at it, it’s not pretty at all right now. I wanna thank you guys for reading and I hope everyone stays sexy. I’ll see you guys next Monday, bye!

Here are some cool songs I think you should check out 😉

Self Aware- Temper City

Cherry- Naomi Scott

6 am- Ambar Lucid

Okay, bye!

-Alyssa