I wanna start this blog post off very strong by saying sex feels like an actual circus and here’s why. I recently met up with a friend that was in town and we got a simple meal with some drinks. She brought up the fact that she believes she will start masturbating to gay sex again. She’s tired of straight people/sex and says that “it’s like when you crave a cheese burger, and you take one bite but then you just don’t want it anymore”. Why does sex with a man feel almost manufactured? Even if you’re attracted to both men and women like I am, you cannot honestly look me in the eye and say that sex with a man is better than sex with a woman. Doesn’t matter how experienced or inexperienced the other person is, sex with a woman is always better. It feels raw, intense, and personal. Now gay sex with two men is just fun, entertaining, and can be hot. I believe that people that actually enjoy watching straight porn are just guys that seek male validation and are just secretly gay. You know they’re just watching the guy have his way with the girl. If they actually just wanted to watch women, just pull up a girl on girl video off of twitter like everyone else. Personally speaking that in the past, after 20 minutes of sex with a man I was just done, checked out even. No I didn’t orgasm, I never have with a man. I just mean that I’m not interested anymore. After 20 minutes I’m all dried up and just bored. Then it just sounds like someone is rubbing their dry hands together from all of that friction. My friend actually commented that she hates having sex after 5 minutes. I completely understand because every guy that I’ve slept with wasn’t into foreplay and never made me orgasm. It was unfortunately always about them, intentional or not. My first orgasm during sex was actually with my girlfriend, God bless her because she makes it look easy.
So my question for you guys is, when did sex become so transactional? Where did it all go wrong? Has sex always been this gruesome and when did the aspect of intimacy get stripped away?
From what I’ve read, Pornography has always been around. Even before when cavemen were grunting out syllables and fighting off predators for their dinner, they somehow still had time to be carving pornographic cave drawings during the Prehistoric Ages. Artists even incorporated nudity within their own mediums that they used. We can fast forward to Ancient Rome, they were big on expressing their sensuality and nudity. Greeks absolutely worshipped the human body and natural beauty. The first recorded engraving of Pornography was founded around 1524, a guy named Guilio Romano a collection of erotic illustration and they were published by Marcantonio Raimondi . It caused an immense stir throughout Italy during the sixteenth- century. It made people uncomfortable and intrigued in the raw nature that sex contains. Fast forward to the 21st century, we are still continuing that raunchy legacy. I’ll add a few links below so you guys can read as well because it’s important to be aware of where all of this came from since we have so much easy access to it today. What I’m looking for is, when did sex become as violent as it is now? What influenced that aggression that many are drawn to today? Click through a few websites, there is probably a lady at the bottom of your screen saying she’s less than 5 miles away from you, and invites you to her house for some “fun”. I probably am exposed to more than 10 nude pictures or videos a day just by clicking on links that are completely unrelated. It is everywhere around us, it consumes us. The film industry, video games, music, you name it. My own personal belief is that it grew to become a bit sinister during the 70s when Porn was still considered shameful, when it was still a growing secret .
Once people realized that they can go after their deepest desires, they craved more and more. That kind of greed can cause someone to want to up the dose, you want to see more, feel more. Behind closed doors, people thrive off of that kind of rush of being able to get away with anything. The more rough, the better. Many people hid behind their kinks, not only because they didn’t want their family or friends to know but because it could be detrimental to their image. It was not only talked down upon when you would express your sexuality so freely, but specifically men would only freak themselves out with that kind of discovery if they actually had something to hide. I believe that there was not a specific turning point for the way Porn has took a turn but I just think that people were better at keeping a secret when it was more taboo. If you have a whole audience encouraging your urges, of course you’re going to have the confidence to come forward and represent it. That is what people are more comfortable with doing now, and they are easily making money off of that.
A peep show in NYC that cost precisely 25 cents was discovered to be one of the first of many in 1966. Those kind of places cleared a path for much similar entertainment in Times Square. That’s even how Times Square got the name for ” The sleaziest block in America” in the 1980s. These sort of shops and hang out spots were gaining business left and right. People were building NSFW hot spots left and right like it was a Mcdonalds’ or Burger King on every corner. People had more access to sex because of the rise of Tricking and Prostitution, even child Prostitution. Explicit behavior was pushed because on every street corner, you’d see big screens in Times Square guiding you to these places so you can get off. If you weren’t in New York, don’t worry you could still get access, people would even go as far as to mail it to themselves. Sexual deviancy was encouraged by people exploiting women so much, that men in the industry grew to encourage violence more and more. Not only because of the money but to gain respect amongst their peers and to acquire more control that they lacked in their life. Once that exposure hit the late 90s or early 2000s, the slapping, spitting, and verbal abuse became more popularized. That is what makes Porn what it is today.
Throughout this whole week, I’ve been especially thinking about on how sexuality is broadcasted. I have a twitter and I am on stan twitter so I’ve been exposed to the controversy flowing through a music group called, KATSEYE. I’ve been keeping up with them for quite some time now but with this recent performance, disappointment is an understatement. They performed at Coachella and there is this certain bit at the end of one of their songs that they have been acting out constantly, one may call it “queer baiting”. Usually, (group members) Lara and Manon do it with each other but Manon has taken a “hiatus”. She has taken a break so now they are using Megan, another gay member. Even though they both have boyfriends which is the confusing part about it… They grind against each other, sensually go down on the ground with each other teasing that they might kiss. But this time, one of them even went as far as to lick alongside the other’s neck? People have argued that they themselves are apart of the LGBTQIA+ community so that makes it okay, but it relatively does not matter. It is queer baiting whether they eat each other out or not. I wouldn’t normally put celebrity nonsense in the blog because who actually cares but I think that it’s insane that they would go to those lengths. The whole sexual bit is taken as a joke and the only reason why it was added to the set is so that all of their fans that are guys could give them even more attention and streams. No one is erasing their own sexuality by saying that what they’re doing is queer baiting, but you can’t use that as an excuse to give off a phony representation of allegiance to the gay community. And sadly a lot of people continue to fall for it.
My frustration originates from the fact that gay women are already not taken seriously. The two members both have current boyfriends, they are quite literally giving into this play that what they’re doing is rationalized because it’s with two women. If it was a guy doing it on stage with them, that would be cheating. The only reason why I believe that my personal sexuality is somewhat viewed with more gratitude or grace is because I am dating a woman , before that people perceived bisexuality as the “in between stage”. You’re either all the way into women, or not at all. If you say otherwise, you’re just too scared to admit that you’re actually a lesbian. There are many people who are at fault for contributing to Bi-erasure and never consider it to be a prejudicial mindset. So looking at KATSEYE’s most recent behavior on stage, it is not a complete shock that people are unsatisfied with the false advocacy for the gay community that they’re trying to show homage to by baiting a makeout session in front of a crowd. Honestly it does not matter if you put a ring on your partner’s finger, your relationship as a whole is categorized as “sexy” or “hot. People tell you that your way of thinking won’t last and a man will soon come along to change your mind. How do you even justify performing like that in front of thousands, using your queerness to attract more of an audience rather than encouraging your fans with empowerment. It already feeds into the idea that queer relationships are not serious, and that it’s a kink.
On top of all this thinking about sex and the gay community, I think my mind and body might be broken. Let me explain, they absolutely do not listen to each other. I recently went to my partner’s yoga class that she taught and for the life of me, I can’t get my body and my mind to work together. It feels like we are almost separated? Like my body is an attachment and it is just me and my mind against the world. I can relax if I rest or listen to music, something that calms me down. We are just not in tune with each other, I think she knows that I don’t even like her. It’s frustrating because I have such sore and tensed muscles every single day, but the thought of a massage makes me want to run the other direction. I’ve tried them because my partner also does massages, she’s amazing at the but it probably made the situation worse. Working out my muscles and relaxing my body just seems impossible. It’s discomforting and confusing. That’s probably why I don’t orgasm that much, my mind will be on a completely different planet. Of course I’m locked in on my partner but on a rare occasion if I’m receiving anything, all I’m thinking is, “don’t fart, please don’t fart”. It definitely didn’t help that this guy in the yoga class completely stole the show. Above all of his weird noises and loud snoring, the guy exploded with the loudest fart to end the class. I’m still not sure how I didn’t just flat out laugh in front of everyone. He had absolutely no shame and just let out a little “Oops!”. I think about him quite a bit actually. Whoever you are strange man, keep at it. But the whole time I was just focusing on my partner’s voice because she sounded really nice and I was so proud of her. But I wasn’t doing what she was saying, it was hard to. It felt like my body and I were working against one another. Like somehow I was trying to send these messages to my body, telling her to relax but she would just lay there.
I also think it might be due to the fact that I don’t listen to my body in general. If I’m feeling a sense of pain or uneasiness, I ignore it and mentally undermine that feeling. So our relationship is very toxic and not the best example of being a functioning person.
This week has just been a giant blob of reflection for me, so I don’t have that much action to report. But I did want to specifically talk about those topics because It’s important of course. The same public figures people look up to help perpetuate that same idea homophobes try so hard to get across. It’s just disgusting but honestly no one is surprised. I am going to add some of the links I checked out at the bottom and same with three songs and one picture from last week. Thanks to anyone who decided to read this week’s blog post. I hope everyone stays hot, thanks and see you next Monday!
Check out some informative links below:
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20170926-is-porn-harmful-the-evidence-the-myths-and-the-unknowns
https://seeoldnyc.com/time-square-wild-past-70s-and-80s/
Here are some songs recently that I really liked and think you guys should listen to 🙂
•Lady Love (Omnichord version) by Olivia C. Dacal
•I’ll come back to you by Olivia C. Dacal
•Fire In My Heart by Escape from New York
See you next week!
-Alyssa
Grab The Hooch! 
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