Grab The Hooch!

I hope everyone had a super great week! I’ve been posting post it notes everywhere hoping to get more readers so if you’ve come from the post it notes that I’ve left around, welcome! Last week was definitely weird for sure, not really sure on how to go about this one to be honest with you guys….

So I’ll start off by saying that we finally got starter dreads. I certainly look like I eat box now. I got an uber to the salon and on the way there, I thought my life was gonna end. Now It might seem dramatic but I have the absolute worst allergies known to mankind. Especially during the Winter to Spring transition that occurs every year. Once my body senses that it’s even the littlest bit cold, my nose starts to leak, my throat is itchy, my nose is a horror show. On top of all of that, it’s like my allergies send a signal to my asthma every single time because then my asthma gets me going. So yeah I wasn’t having the best ride of my life.

For most of the ride, my driver is on the phone with some receptionist discussing the details on his upcoming visit. Mind you, I’m in the back of this ride huffing and puffing trying to stop mucus from running down to my chin. Times like these I violently miss when masks were required to step out of the house because then I could just let loose and let it run. I won’t include the gross details on how I stopped my nose from running because you guys don’t need to know that and that’s not the point. Fast forward to the salon.

Now I already had my previous appointment with my hairdresser because we had a consultation the week before so I already got the gist of what was to happen. She starts me off with washing my hair and it feels like i’m in heaven. I told her that I haven’t gotten my hair washed by someone in over probably 10 years. It’s just different when someone is massaging your scalp and getting all of the good spots. It definitely made me nostalgic, it made me think of when I was a kid and getting my hair done either by my mom or a friend of a friend. It genuinely just felt like home. They were also playing 80/90s RnB in the background, it made me feel like I was back on the floor getting my hair done by a relative and they were just blasting music. My hairdresser was so fun and silly the whole time. She just knew what she was doing. At one point I was underneath the dryer and the strangest guy stumbles into her salon. Now we are in the hood and there are some freaks walking around everywhere, she kept her door to the street wide open so I knew this would happen at one point.

This guy walks in and he’s a bit incoherent at first but we can understand that he’s trying to sell my hairstylist some products. In black neighborhoods this is normal, people selling oils, perfume, laundry detergent, soap. It’s normal. But, as the guy is trying to relay some messed up negotiation for all of the stuff he’s trying to sell to her, he’s got dish soap falling from his under shirt. He almost dropped a candle that fell out from his armpit. He threw the candle in for free by the way. She ended up taking everything he brought for a total of 10 bucks so it was a pretty good deal.

With things like this , it’s understandable how that would come across as sketchy or dangerous. But that’s just the way a lot of predominantly black neighborhoods are. We stick together and are a community. We watch out for each other, I could tell she didn’t wanna buy the products from him. But he was homeless, and it was a good deal so in the end, she chose to look out for him in that moment. It was super funny though and all of us in the salon laughed about it after he left. I believe he went back to the Family Dollar he stole from to come back to sell her more products.

In the end, I got a total of 84 dreads I believe. 84 or 86, I can’t really remember but somewhere around that area. It was surprisingly so cute on me, all of the dreads were super tiny but they were cute though? It was a confusing moment for me because I hate hair that short on me but I definitely looked at me in the mirror at one point and saw some sort of sex symbol. It was amazing because I realized that I am incredibly hot and the hairstyle I decide to have does not define me in any way. Let me know if you guys relate to this but do you ever just have this major revelation that you are a massive catch. Like you just ignore all of the tiny voices that are filled with immense anxiety in your head and you actually look at yourself as a person. You separate the biases you have put on yourself and you actually just see yourself as a regular person? That’s when you recognize your self-worth because I bet if you talked to yourself, if you were another person, you’d think that you were cool. You probably would like yourself a whole lot more. That’s kind of the mentality I’ve been trying to just go with nowadays because I put way too much pressure on myself to be this person that others can like. It becomes exhausting. I can’t even enjoy myself because I’m too busy wondering if others are enjoying me as well. That’s when I become an escape artist and just leave the room. I do that way too often, if I get uncomfortable or overwhelmed, I just leave the room. It’s therapeutic but can also be unhealthy. I use it as a big reminder that I don’t have to stay, I can actually just leave if I don’t want to be there in that moment. Guys, do me a favor and count how many times I’ve said the word, “yourself” by the end of this blog.

Last week I had a good conversation one of my best friends about when women get into a relationship with a guy, but you have to build them, “brick by brick”. It’s when they’re a work in progress, like they have never been in a relationship before so you have to take the reigns for absolutely everything. My friend just found out that a guy she had been hooking up with a while ago just got into a relationship randomly? Which is so controversial because he always talked about not being ready for a relationship with her, but made it seem like he was obsessed with her. We all know those type of guys and you’ve definitely met one or two in your life before. We were talking about their relationship and she said that guys like that just “ want your coolness”.

“they steal it and use it for another girl”

“intelligent women give so much for so little”

“they’re obsessed with cool girls”

“they want your swag”

It is so sick and twisted that this is what so many men actually do. I’ll tell you guys that I definitely have one guy in mind that has used my coolness for another girl and it makes me want to scream. She was saying how she built this guy up and made him into what he is today. That might seem toxic to say but it’s so true because now he’s suddenly ready for a relationship? Yeah he’s ready after my friend showed him how not to treat someone romantically. Not only did she show him genuineness but he took her for granted. If a guy is not ready to be in a relationship with you, just know he’s gonna commit a hit and run very soon. He’s a donut and did not deserve her. It was just so interesting talking about it because they don’t even try to be compassionate human beings, about anything honestly. Women should just be dating women. I’m hoping by 3000, all of the women are dating women and happy. They’re all probably dancing to ABBA as well.

It’s definitely easier to recognize the signs of what I’ll call, a “fixer upper.” Guys you have to build brick by brick until you think they’re ready for you when they’re actually ready for the girl they’ve already had in mind. It’s like we’re the mama bird and we’re letting our baby birds off into the wild. How messed up is that? I feel like women are definitely more strict now and can see through so many fixer uppers nowadays so I’m ecstatic to see women becoming more vile or ruthless towards men, keep it up ladies!

Recently, me and my girlfriend tried cupping. That sounds so dirty but it’s definitely not what you’re thinking. I sometimes give her messages when she’s sore or had a long day at work. I have only seen it through movies or clips from Youtube but I’ve never personally worked with them. My partner and I have been house sitting for one of her friends that is an experienced massage therapist and we may have gotten our hands onto one of her cupping sets. I’m not that fond of giving/receiving massages but I’ll do anything to give my partner some sort of relief when she has to give massages all of the time, you know? They were fun to play around with though. I put a good amount all over her back and set a timer for around 10ish minutes. I’m not sure on how much of an effect they have on your body, I’m not confident these things will actually help you relax at the end of the day but they were …. helpful. My girlfriend said that they kind of helped but would’ve been more useful if they had a tighter grip on her back.

I’d like to try them for myself in the future and report back to you guys to see if it’s all for show or would actually help with the tension in my back. The experience itself was interesting, just because I got to work with foreign tools that I’ve never worked with before and I got to dive a bit deeper into what my partner likes/dislikes.

Now don’t get me started on my girlfriend’s friend’s artist loft. It is absolutely insane and probably everything you’ve wished for, and more. You walk through her door and are met with high ceilings, art, gorgeous mirrors, massive windows, vintage lamps, etc. Every time we visit, we’re reminded with the fact that we could have that, and that we will eventually. It’s really refreshing because her friend is one of the most genuine people that I know and everything she has in her apartment represents that. The way she represents herself is shown in all of the tiny details in her apartment that make her unique, it’s just amazing. 10s across the board. I want that, my partner and I want that so bad. To have a space to call ours for a while, to be able to build within our community and create a comforting space together that we can call ours. I love our apartment that we have now but it’s too small for us, we need an upgrade.

I got our apartment almost two years ago by myself and it was such a work in progress. We’re basically living in the attic so it’s a one bedroom on the third floor with a super long hallway. It began with me and Lambington against the world, then Lady, then my partner. Our tiny family slowly grew and we have so many decorations and trinkets in our apartment now, we have no choice but to move to a bigger space. We need a new environment because the city we currently live in, is sadly holding us back. August is slowly approaching which means that the pressure is on and we need to be on top of this move. It’s terrifying but I believe that we can do it. I’m probably gonna scream a couple of times on the highway because I’ll probably get my license a month or two before the move. I’ve gone around the corner, but definitely not across the country.

Guys pray for me because I don’t even know how to merge. What even is that. It’s not real and I have to shove this 5 ton vehicle onto the highway hoping someone catches what i’m trying to do, so they don’t hit me. Coming from a non-driver, why do people act so normal operating these bulky vehicles on a daily basis.

Raise your hand if you’re scared.

I raised my hand….

In conclusion, I just want to snatch this license and be a perfect driver on the road already. I want to be moved into whatever apartment me and my girlfriend get approved for. Let’s just hurry this thing up because a girl is tired.

Last week I ended up at this bar that I frequent at and I thought it’d be a normal Sunday. I grabbed my new favorite drink, which is a diet coke and Raspberry Smirnoff and I waddle my way into the dart room with six darts in hand. Not to sound conceited but I’m pretty good at darts because when I practice, I practice for about 3-4 hours straight and have been doing this for almost a year straight. I’m dedicated to it because it takes my mind off of my life and when older men try to undermine me when i’m shooting, proving them wrong just gets my engine going. But for the most part, I enjoy it and it’s one of my hidden talents. So I’m probably on my third drink and this guy who usually does events at the bar walks into the dart room.

I see him with two tables, they’re changing the lights in the room and moving around stools. The whole room suddenly looks like a hospital waiting room by how bright it is. I’m standing in the corner of the room not knowing what to do because I don’t wanna accidentally throw a dart through someone, but they’re in my way. Why are they in my way? Oh, because they’re having a birthday party in the dart room, I have less than 30 minutes to wrap up my set. I’m standing there like an idiot because the bartender didn’t know what was going on today, and no one else knew until the last second. I haven’t been at the bar for maybe a week? A week and a half? Not for a while so I thought I would just get time by myself and listen to my music while throwing darts. On top of everything, the guy comes up to me and is like,

“Hold on, what’re you drinking”

I go, “Diet coke with Smirnoff”.

He kind of chuckles and is like “okay”. He kinda brushes it off like it’s funny or something. It’s like when older adults try to laugh at you for not having a more “mature” drink. What he doesn’t know is that I know how to drink, and that’s the problem. I’m going for a more simple drink because when I drink, I drink heavily . Plus those calories add up so a diet coke and a shot of vodka is better than the usual drink I go for. But I just let him make fun of me in his head and continue on because I already labeled the guy as a creep in my head. He asked me if he smelled bad while he was on the phone because apparently his friend said that he smelled bad, over the phone. That’s not the end of it unfortunately. After he leaves me alone, 30 minutes go by and he comes back into the room. This is where he makes fun of my little drink. He asks me to come with him to the main area and I walk with him. Don’t ask me why, I’ve had three drinks by now. We walk up to this heavy set guy who I assume is his friend. The creep asks me to smell his friend as well.

Yup.

I’m asked to smell a random guy for no reason.

Now I’m looking between these two bigger guys standing in front of me with a nervous smile on my face. I’m trying to ask with my eyes, “are y’all serious?” But they were completely serious. So I step a bit closer because I can have a lot of unintelligent moments and I do a little spin while smelling him. He’s opening his arms so I can sniff him but I did not wanna go in there. We were surrounded by people but what if he tried to grope me or pull me towards him. These guys were weird and I just wanted to go back to my game. I told them that they smelled fine and basically sprinted back to the dart room.

After that, it was okay. I basically got kicked out of the dart room and didn’t get to finish my practice. They got new darts and they’re pretty terrible. They’re too short and have the worst gripper for your hands. I was struggling for sure. But I really do take it seriously because it is so fun and lets me burn off steam. So having to end quicker than I anticipated sucked and I had to sit at the bar with everyone else when I just wanted to be secluded.

I grabbed one last drink and ended the night with a Stella. As I was doom scrolling on my phone, a family friend that I haven’t seen for the longest time walks in. At first, I’m looking at him like he’s this creature because I haven’t seen him in years and I’m not completely sure it’s him. He had gotten older. He sits down and grabs a drink and I’m not completely sure on how to approach him. He’s the son of my old babysitter that practically raised me, she passed away while I was in college I believe? Maybe sometime during 2019 or 2020, I’m not sure. But she was everything to me and I grew up with her basically. So trying to sneak past him just felt weird because he watched me grow up, and I called him uncle. Everyone did. So I muster up the courage and call my mom to be an accomplice to my plan. Walking up to him and just starting a conversation like that out of the blue didn’t seem right to me. I walked up to him with my mom on the phone, didn’t say a word and just handed the phone to him.

While they were on the phone, he mentioned that he had already recognized me but I don’t believe that to be true. Yes, he was stealing glances at me but I think that was just because I was staring at him like he had grown two extra heads. I definitely looked insane. But when do I not look insane, I have a staring problem. After they talked, he handed me the phone and proposed that we get a picture together so he could send it to my mom. Fast forward, we get the picture with each other and I dip. Just like my cat Lady, i’m an escape artist. I didn’t wanna talk about what I’ve been up to with him, or update him on my life. I just wanted to say hi. That sounds terrible but I just did not want to have to put energy into a conversation like that. Having to say what I’ve been up to, how’s my sister doing, do I live with my mom. Talking about myself feels like I’m just eating chalk. It’s different when i’m blogging about myself but it gives off the same sensation as someone asking you, “tell me about yourself.” What do I even say to that?

But yes, after I steal a cigarette from the bartender, I put on my headphones and exit out the back door. He didn’t see me but leaving without a goodbye felt so strange to me. This is how it is with my family, I’m not as close with them as I could be so when I come around, everyone is surprised. But I also cut the meetings short and escape while I can. I’m not sure on how to not be this person. I’ve distanced myself from my family at a very young age for numerous reasons but I still feel guilty for keeping them at arms length. I’ve just gotten older and have realized that my world extends beyond them. I mean that as in I’m not a kid anymore, my knowledge is opened up more and goes past them. As a kid, if you weren’t super close to your family, it was looked at as some crime. But then I had to experience it myself and realize that they were unfortunately my biggest bullies. I’ve gotten over that now but the grudge towards them still remains. We will just never have that close connection I was forced to have with them as a tiny kid and I have learned to be okay with that.

I know that I am a bit late with posting on the blog, and I want to apologize for that. I would’ve posted yesterday but I didn’t have my laptop, nor did I have all of the topics that I wanted to talk about. So I decided to post today, which is my birthday! Today is my 23rd birthday and I feel so weird about it. I didn’t really do anything today but I will get more into this day next week. Thank you guys for reading. I appreciate anyone who stops by my blog and takes the time to actually read. If you’d like, please spread the blog on any platform that you can. I’d appreciate a wider audience and am trying to acquire that myself. I’ll post three songs that have recently been hitting for me and I’ll add a picture from last week that stuck by me. Thank you guys again and I’ll see you next Monday! (Actually)

Check out these songs:

•Devil Eye by Dora Jar

•Flip A Switch by RAYE

•Poolside by Gia Ford

Okay, again, thank you guys for reading and so sorry for the late post! Bye!

-Alyssa