Grab The Hooch!

Welcome back to this week’s blog post! Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommas out there, you guys are so amazing and powerful.

Okay here’s some news for everyone, we have freaking raccoons running around in our walls!

I discovered them probably like a week or two ago? There was so much noise coming from the bottom of our kitchen sink this one day. I was so terrified that it was actually mice and I rebuke them to ever step foot into any home that I have so I thought that was compromised. Turns out it’s just a family of raccoons running around in our walls. How do I know this? Because according to our neighbors below us, they apparently frequent up here every year, a mama raccoon comes up into this little crawl space on our roof to have her babies and once it gets super hot out, they leave. I get she’s trying to give the babies warmth but it scared the crap out of me when I had no idea what was living in our walls. Our neighbors lived in our apartment on the top floor before us, then they moved to the bigger apartment below us after their family expanded.

This one night, me and my girlfriend quite literally got on our hands and knees to crawl underneath our bed. We recently go this new metal bed frame that makes the bed so high, we could touch our ceiling more easily now. So because of the bed frame, we can slide in and out from underneath our bed because there is so much room. We hear so much commotion coming from the wall behind our bed, we hear all this scratching. We take out my phone out and start recording.

Guys I got some pretty good footage. We were feeding the raccoons cereal by sliding the Golden Grahams underneath this mini door in our room that leads to something like an attic? But it leads to a room next to our wall that’s part of the roof. They were even eating our cereal and a couple times, their tiny hands slid underneath the door. It was so cute because there was a space below the door where you could see the eyes of little baby raccoons. I saw maybe about 3? There is definitely more. I think I definitely feel more at ease that it’s not mice because if it were mice, that’d be a whole different problem. I used to see this random guy and his apartment was crawling with mice. It didn’t help that he had a studio so mice would jump out of the bags that I would leave at his, they would crawl all over the table that we would eat on and even run underneath his bed. We even had this thing where we would have to stomp right before entering his kitchen so no mice would jump on us and they’d run away. The mice in his apartment grew into a really big problem that should’ve been handled better but he just accepted it really. Now I don’t judge anyone who has had or have mice but I definitely judge him because he was just a super gross individual and deserved it. That is why I rebuke any mice to ever come into my apartment or house because I’ve witnessed it and that is not a problem I want to have. It is hard to get rid of them and they are such a mood killer.

Besides him, I totally get it because my mom recently told me that there are mice in my old childhood bedroom because of all of the things I had going on in that bedroom. That was the old me though and I was severely depressed so we don’t need to talk about it, okay?

My wife asked to keep one of the raccoons and I wanted to say yes because saying no to her doesn’t really seem right. But we couldn’t keep the baby raccoons, it was just be poor timing and I am way too broke for that. But yeah It’s not alarming anymore hearing things going on in the walls because I know it’s just probably the baby raccoons either goofing off or eating our Golden Grahams. I understand how it can seem alarming but they’re literally harmless. They don’t bother us and stay on their side of the wall. They’re not mice crawling through our things and all over our furniture. They’re just trying to keep warm on our roof until it is summer time. #Respect.

Guys sometime last week, I was at work and just minding my own business and while looking out the window, I see this cop car. I keep analyzing the car and got down all the way to the license plate. The other letters and numbers are completely scrapped off except for three bold letters, “ICE”. Literally the rest of the license plate is almost intentionally scrapped off except for the word “ICE”. I already hate cops and seeing this crap while I was trying to work just had me so heated. There have been multiple ICE spottings in Ohio, some were spotted near the Ohio border, some in Columbus Ohio and their hub was found somewhere in Northeast Ohio. They were even patrolling the Cleveland Hopkins Airport, it was insane. That one time where it was reported that ICE will go door to door and interrogate people like Nazi’s , naturally, it scared me so bad. I even had this terrifying dream about it where I was stuck in this car and ICE were surrounding our car trying to get us to come out.

It was terrifying.

I just wanted to point this out because they are starting to pop up everywhere and everyone needs to be safe out there. Don’t even react, just start filming. Nowadays if you react just the tiniest bit, there goes your life. Also everybody, read up on your rights (this includes me) because they expect people to not know the law and that’s how they try to get away with so many cruel acts. Once again, y’all be safe out there.

Speaking of safety, I recently just bought me and my wife pepper spray, and this mini bedazzled stun gun I found on Amazon. I was doom scrolling on twitter one day and saw all of these violent encounters people were having with each other. It’d be just a harmless woman either walking alone or on the subway, and she ends up getting harassed in some way. The more I kept scrolling, the more I kept seeing all of these videos with the same message, that it could happen to anyone at anytime for absolutely no reason. Not because I cannot drive just yet but obviously that’s a big part of the reason why I walk everywhere, but I also just like to get up and go. I love taking a morning walk or walking to the nearest cafe or bar just to clear my head. It freaked me out thinking about the fact that I walk everywhere and have nothing on me to defend myself. Neither does my partner. So I frantically looked for pepper spray because I love it and it’s super effective, and then I stumbled across the stuns guns.

I will definitely buy us more but that needed to be done. One of my biggest fears is walking down the street and someone randomly punching me in the head just because they didn’t like my hairstyle or outfit that day or something. The thought of randomly being attacked is just so scary and I think like this because I know it’s gonna happen. I’d be incredibly lucky if it didn’t happen at least once in my lifetime but my luck is pretty poor. I don’t wanna speak that into existence and I’m hoping it doesn’t happen anytime soon. Let’s be honest though, with how the world is progressing today, getting jumped in the street is more likely than finding like a 5 dollar bill on the road.

All of this chaos we witness either on the news or social media also makes me incredibly nervous for me to even begin to think about kids. There was this crazy video trending where a group of middle schoolers jumped a mother and her kid. It blew up everywhere and the “ringleader” of the group was unapologetic and so was her mother as well. Not to get sidetracked but another huge fear of mine is getting acid thrown in my face by some random person walking past me. Did you guys know that London is infamous for having a high number of acid attacks? That’s horrifying. I’ve watched acid attack survivors and you’d be surprised how many people either get targeted by an ex-best friend or just a random civilian. Instances like this make me completely understand why people become agoraphobic because of certain situations we are exposed to in society today. Anyways the world is ending and when it completely shuts down, I’ll be stocking up on canned tuna, Flamin Hot Jack Links Slim Jim’s, Root Beer, and Whiskey. I believe that’s the perfect diet and it’ll help me grow nice and strong. You cannot convince me otherwise by the way.

Moving on, I was talking about gender expression to my friend at work one day and it made the most sense at the time to say that gender expression to me is like playing flappy bird. That is how I feel when I express my fluidity and it makes me feel like that stupid bird going up and down trying not to crash at the bottom. It makes me feel like that because of how I dress and behave. It’s similar to playing a game, especially dressing myself and wanting to provide that sense of androgyny when I’m presenting myself to others. I like to have a balance of both femininity and masculinity. Not sure on what “crashing at the bottom” would mean for me, or what would even be considered that but this one time I got questioned on my gender by this old guy.

It’s always an old guy.

Guys I’m pretty sure the only reason why he asked me this was because I was looking like a bum this day and so what if I didn’t put any makeup on? I was exiting out of the all gender bathroom at my job and this asian man walks up to me, points at the sign with the little figures on the door. You know the man, woman, and kid. Yeah so he points at it, laughs in my face and goes, “which one are you?” I wanted to slap that smile off of his face. He fully expected me to laugh with him because once I processed what he was asking, I just gave him a nasty look and walked past him. But he truly put this huge damper on my day because I could not stop thinking about it. He might as well have thrown tomatoes at me while he hit record or something. I like to dress masculine and I believe I have a more masculine personality but I am a lady okay, I have a great vagina. I don’t know why some of my biggest embarrassing moments always happen at work. Why would you say that to me like I wasn’t already going through the most fragile time, and on top of that I got some elder in my face asking which gender am I. This is why delinquents rightfully fight others and it’s because people have too much confidence stepping out of the house to insult others thinking it’s funny. I am not being ageist but grandpa is lucky I didn’t trip him in that bathroom.

One last thing, but I spent Mother’s day with my mom, aunt, cousins and grandma. It was fine, one could say. I’m definitely glad that my family is full of alcoholics because there was a lot of wine to tone down my thoughts. One of the highlights of the evening was walking into my aunts new house and my partner getting disrespected by my grandmother once again. This is a reoccurring thing where my grandma calls my partner, my “friend” I always have to correct her, but this time I said, “no my GIRLfriend”.

She said, “no, you’re FRIEND”.

In that moment, I knew that there was no getting around to my grandma and that’s fine because we haven’t had a close relationship for a long time, for numerous reasons. No one in my family knows that I’m moving to Portland except for my mother. I’m still trying to find a way to break the news but I don’t know how to. After that I simply said, “she’s my girlfriend, let’s be respectful. She’s my girlfriend and that’s okay, we can say that term. She is great, thank you for asking.” At one point, she even had the nerve to say that she doesn’t understand this “new terminology”. Can I ask, when did the term “girlfriend” become new terminology? There has always been the words, boyfriend and girlfriend. My sister has a boyfriend and yet my grandma has never called him her friend. So let’s all stop acting like we’re idiots and just call it like it is. If you don’t want to call her my girlfriend because you’re homophobic, that’s fine. But let’s put our big girl shoes on and own up to the bigotry that you hide behind. If you wanna be homophobic so bad, stand on that when I call you out about it, don’t put on that innocent act you know so well. It’s so infuriating because I’m stuck in a place of do I include her in parts of my life or do I keep it hidden? Every time I see her, she jokingly states that I won’t come to see her for another year or two. But when I do talk to her and see her, she doesn’t even try to hide the fact that she judges me at this point. Her bitterness is just ridiculous, of course no one would want to be around that. I’m just not going to voluntarily put my girlfriend in a situation where she is uncomfortable, I’m not going to have her around people that judge her, or us behind our back. The messed thing about it is that I had gotten my mom an orchid, and my aunt and grandma roses for Mother’s Day. I barely had a chance to set my grandma’s flowers down before she started asking about my partner in her own messed up way. But yeah it was such a fun and interesting Mother’s day!

I’m gonna wrap up this post because I don’t even know what I’m talking about at this point, I’m just rambling. I am also sick so this post will be posted late because I feel like someone hit me with a Semi while I was riding a bike, but they weren’t sure what they hit so they started to reverse but just ended up running me over again. That’s how deranged I feel. I feel like some gremlin underneath a dirty bridge that sucks on filthy pennies all day and steals people socks. I am in such a evil mood, I feel like a huge cloud of doom. Anyways I hope you guys liked this weeks blog post, sorry again for the lateness but at the same time, I’m sick. I’ll see y’all next week, bye!

Songs:

•Into the Groove by Madonna (Glee Cast Version)

•All Night by Beyonce

•DESPECHÁ by ROSALÍA